Life & Death

And they flirted

Day and night

Since the beginning of time




They were bound 

by the laws of the universe

In eternal love sublime




She kept sending him

myriad gifts 

Some say, 'it was destiny'




He saved them all

in his heart

For the rest of eternity. 

The Window

I saw you everyday
By at the blue window frame
White lace curtains flapping in the wind
And a mighty maple tree reaching out to you

I saw you everyday
Sometimes whistling a tune
Or brushing your bewitching, long tresses
And other times, watching the world go by

Picture courtesy: Meraki Pictures

I saw you everyday
From when we were kids
To before you moved away 
In a red mini van with your family

I saw you everyday
And it filled my day with purpose
I felt I could conquer the world
I looked forward to another glorious day

I saw you everyday
But not once did you glance at me
A lorn lad, looking for acknowledgment
May be, just may be, she'll look at me today

I passed by your house today
The blue on the window has faded
the wood crumbling
The curtains no longer ruffle

But the mighty maple ...

Still stands
the leaves still change every autumn
And they come back each spring
Just the same.

A Victim, Victimized!

Can I un-see
What I already saw?

Can I un-feel
What I already felt?

Can I un-fear
The fear that's already within me now?

Can I feel unashamed
Because it wasn't my fault.

Can I feel loved again
Like I've deserved to be felt always?

Can I feel un-talked about
It's really my private hell

Can I un-cringe anymore
At the very act of all men?

Can I ever feel un-deafeated
Like I felt before?

Can I un-weep
At my brutal past?

Can I un-taint my skin
Free of scars and strife?

Can I un-cage my soul
To let it soar like it used to?

Can I un-shatter
These broken pieces of my life?

Can I un-hear
These judgmental voice around me?

CanI feel un-vulnerable
And trust again?

Can I feel un-destroyed
Go back to being the strong-me?

Can I feel un-guilty
It wasn't my lapse in judgment

Can I feel un-robbed
Of a real relationship?

 But before I answer all these questions ....

Can you un-notice me
I'm not your private property

Can you un-touch me
The gruesome way you did?

Can you undo everything,
Everything?

Can you be a 'real man'?
Because I wasn't 'asking for it'!

Can you stand up for my cause? 
Because it is not my battle alone now! 

Chimera

And then I slipped into a deep reverie

dreams of love and ecstasy

I fell deeper and deeper in love

Till it was time to get woken up

I felt around in the dead air

If you were still possibly there

You had been for sure, a keeper

I wish I had slept on ...a little longer.

Love or Heartache?

Pit in the stomach, short of breath;

The malaise and a brow of fret.

A beating heart, hands that shake;

Random shivers and a dull headache.

A tremble of hope, unsteady knees;

Quivering lips and brains in deep-freeze! 

Sinking emotions, unstopping tears;

Choked windpipes, and myriad fears.

Disoriented, disillusioned, hopeless and unawake,

'Falling in love' or was that just 'heartache'? 

Similar feelings, dissimilar situations;

Warrant comparable and kindred actions.

I wonder if it's the same coin with two aspects

Or just a perspective for one to dissect! 

“Grow old with me … the best is yet to be"

Realization dawned upon me like ice cold water down my spine. I was 30. Nothing more, nothing less—30. I couldn’t wrap my head around it … Was I really THAT old? When did it chance upon me? I felt like a mere 20-something till a night ago. Today was my birthday and I was supposed to feel like Santa on prozac! But I don’t …. I feel weighed down; by my age.

The voices have been following me since I was 25. I could hear them say, "How old are you?” “You’re getting there faster than you think!” “Hahahhaaa, just two more years till you turn 30!” “You are aging, you know ... You must get that night repair cream and under eye gel.” “Seriously what color are you dying your hair?” “Wow! You're 30?” “What!!!! You don't have children yet? You know your biological clock is ticking right?” “Happy 30th!!”

Yes! I am 30 and you could add a month or two to it!

I took this long to write about my 30th because I wanted to see and comprehend how it felt to turn 30. I wanted to know, if overnight, I would get wrinkles, if my bones would get brittle, my teeth would fall out or if my hair would all turn white?! But ... NOTHING HAPPENED! I woke up as the same person I was a day ago ... when I was 29!

It's such a huge deal when you turn thirty or are about to... even if you want to forget about it, people will constantly remind you about your age and make you feel sorry that you're no longer going to be in your 20's. It almost feels like an age where people go to curl up and die. The polite masses will constantly ask you how you feel about turning thirty and I wonder if they expect you to get offended by it. “I feel like crap” is probably what they want to hear.

Friends will tease you, doctors will warn you, parents will remind you, ads will throw the words "anti" and "aging" at you and your body will show you that you are turning thirty for real. You've definitely been thinking about your big 3-0 ever since you turned 29.... it was way closer than you thought it was; it pretty much pounced upon you, you think and you're already looking for ways to avoid it. There's a cloud overhead making you blue and there's nothing you can do!! Oh the horror of it all!!

The day went by and finally the sun went down on my 30th birthday but still no sign of "age". I was still looking for it to chance up on me! Where was it? Was it hiding? Did I miss it? Did everyone see it but me?

I was never so nervous about turning 30 to begin with … perhaps a little but not paranoid for sure. I don’t feel it and I definitely don’t act it (most tell me that). People believe that once you have completed three decades of your life, you have exhausted yourself of all the fun and are now ready to grow old or live a “matured” individual’s life. Really? Old? Who put that benchmark there? Why 30? Why any age? If you feel it … you be it! How can anyone be the judge of how you feel at any age? Age is just a number and that’s completely true. If you let it take control over your life, it will destroy you. It will be a constant reminder of who you are not anymore and how there are certain things you can’t do. It will bog you down and you have already lost your battle.

It is the prospect of turning 30 that is far worse than actually being that age. Once you are 30, you realize that you’re there and that nothings changed. You go on with your life as usual. I think I’ve been through enough in my life to fear “30”. It’s a new age, with new possibilities and new treasures to look forward to. My post 25’s was the best thing that ever happened to me …. I’m sure my 30’s will ring in a lot more wonderful times that I can probably put down as stories to tell the future generations! Today at 30, I’ve never been surer of myself than I was a year ago and that is a comforting feeling. I know I may not have achieved all that I had planned to by this age and my train might have derailed a little while I was enjoying my 20’s but it’s not all that bad and nothing that duct tape can’t solve!

Growing up is all about living and gaining various experiences that defined moments in your life have to offer. It isn't about achieving all that you thought you should’ve by that time, but enjoying the journey and getting there! Make the next ten years count and be proud of who you are and where you are instead of recoiling into your shell. Don’t fight that 30 year old inside of you…embrace it!

It’s a new age …. Who says you can’t dance the tango; who says you can’t swing in the park; who says you can’t eat ice cream out of a box? Just celebrate this new life …. I am! Laugh, cry, embrace, be open to new ideas and insights, love, follow your passion, dream, get inspired, cherish, say what you mean and more importantly be yourself.

On my birthday, I happened to chance upon John Lennon’s song, “Grow old with me … the best is yet to be”. Truer words have not been spoken … I think I’ll do just that.