“Grow old with me … the best is yet to be"

Realization dawned upon me like ice cold water down my spine. I was 30. Nothing more, nothing less—30. I couldn’t wrap my head around it … Was I really THAT old? When did it chance upon me? I felt like a mere 20-something till a night ago. Today was my birthday and I was supposed to feel like Santa on prozac! But I don’t …. I feel weighed down; by my age.

The voices have been following me since I was 25. I could hear them say, "How old are you?” “You’re getting there faster than you think!” “Hahahhaaa, just two more years till you turn 30!” “You are aging, you know ... You must get that night repair cream and under eye gel.” “Seriously what color are you dying your hair?” “Wow! You're 30?” “What!!!! You don't have children yet? You know your biological clock is ticking right?” “Happy 30th!!”

Yes! I am 30 and you could add a month or two to it!

I took this long to write about my 30th because I wanted to see and comprehend how it felt to turn 30. I wanted to know, if overnight, I would get wrinkles, if my bones would get brittle, my teeth would fall out or if my hair would all turn white?! But ... NOTHING HAPPENED! I woke up as the same person I was a day ago ... when I was 29!

It's such a huge deal when you turn thirty or are about to... even if you want to forget about it, people will constantly remind you about your age and make you feel sorry that you're no longer going to be in your 20's. It almost feels like an age where people go to curl up and die. The polite masses will constantly ask you how you feel about turning thirty and I wonder if they expect you to get offended by it. “I feel like crap” is probably what they want to hear.

Friends will tease you, doctors will warn you, parents will remind you, ads will throw the words "anti" and "aging" at you and your body will show you that you are turning thirty for real. You've definitely been thinking about your big 3-0 ever since you turned 29.... it was way closer than you thought it was; it pretty much pounced upon you, you think and you're already looking for ways to avoid it. There's a cloud overhead making you blue and there's nothing you can do!! Oh the horror of it all!!

The day went by and finally the sun went down on my 30th birthday but still no sign of "age". I was still looking for it to chance up on me! Where was it? Was it hiding? Did I miss it? Did everyone see it but me?

I was never so nervous about turning 30 to begin with … perhaps a little but not paranoid for sure. I don’t feel it and I definitely don’t act it (most tell me that). People believe that once you have completed three decades of your life, you have exhausted yourself of all the fun and are now ready to grow old or live a “matured” individual’s life. Really? Old? Who put that benchmark there? Why 30? Why any age? If you feel it … you be it! How can anyone be the judge of how you feel at any age? Age is just a number and that’s completely true. If you let it take control over your life, it will destroy you. It will be a constant reminder of who you are not anymore and how there are certain things you can’t do. It will bog you down and you have already lost your battle.

It is the prospect of turning 30 that is far worse than actually being that age. Once you are 30, you realize that you’re there and that nothings changed. You go on with your life as usual. I think I’ve been through enough in my life to fear “30”. It’s a new age, with new possibilities and new treasures to look forward to. My post 25’s was the best thing that ever happened to me …. I’m sure my 30’s will ring in a lot more wonderful times that I can probably put down as stories to tell the future generations! Today at 30, I’ve never been surer of myself than I was a year ago and that is a comforting feeling. I know I may not have achieved all that I had planned to by this age and my train might have derailed a little while I was enjoying my 20’s but it’s not all that bad and nothing that duct tape can’t solve!

Growing up is all about living and gaining various experiences that defined moments in your life have to offer. It isn't about achieving all that you thought you should’ve by that time, but enjoying the journey and getting there! Make the next ten years count and be proud of who you are and where you are instead of recoiling into your shell. Don’t fight that 30 year old inside of you…embrace it!

It’s a new age …. Who says you can’t dance the tango; who says you can’t swing in the park; who says you can’t eat ice cream out of a box? Just celebrate this new life …. I am! Laugh, cry, embrace, be open to new ideas and insights, love, follow your passion, dream, get inspired, cherish, say what you mean and more importantly be yourself.

On my birthday, I happened to chance upon John Lennon’s song, “Grow old with me … the best is yet to be”. Truer words have not been spoken … I think I’ll do just that.

Suspended Sanity

Rambling thoughts, ambiguous ideas,

Intentions, notions and derivations.

Jumbled, tangled mess of purpose;

Creating utter chaos and confusions.

Lines blurring from reality to dreams,

So difficult to follow the forbidden stream.

This labyrinth of aays and nays,

Keep weaving through my mind always.

Slow down mind, I beg of thee,

Take one day at a time and dwell in its serenity.

A truce I draw with my inner hostility 

Hoping to find some calm and clarity.

Gifts of Life!

 I'm sure all of us have experienced that special someone who walks into our lives and leaves a mark in it. It could be your soul mate, your spouse, your friend, your teacher, your neighbor or anyone else. Sometimes in life, you end up meeting people with whom you connect instantly. There is no prerequisite, no need  or commitment to know anything about them before you meet 'em. You just click! Such people not only walk into your life unannounced but also make it wonderful by their cheerful and warm personalities. When you sit and chat with them ... it feels like you've known them for centuries and have this instant comfort level with them. You can talk to them about anything under the sun and pick up conversations like you never left them incomplete or hanging in the air. These are the people who come into your life and you know tout de suite that they were meant to be there; to fulfill an objective, to teach you a lesson, to help you find yourself in this ocean of humanity or just simply, to be by your side. They walk into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 


When a person walks in for a reason, you know they will change your life for good. You could be going through the worst times in your life and they just appear out of nowhere to be your knight in shining armor. They will pick you up, dust off the hopelessness you're feeling and give your their shoulder to lean on while you learn to walk again. They are your guardian angels in disguise! 


 Some others will find their way into your life for a season. They are the fillers in your life who at certain points of time, will come and open up their hearts to you as much as you would to them! They help you grow as a human being, teach you life lessons and bring glorious peace within your heart. They feed your soul, enlighten your spirits and fill your being with laughter, happiness and joie de vivre! Sadly, they choose not to stay with us for an eternity ... they always move on. Such a person's zest for life, charismatic enthusiasm and energy live on with us forever ... never to be forgotten and always to be cherished! 


My favorites are the ones who choose to stick it out with you for a lifetime. They are with you through every step of your life, showing you the right path, setting examples for you to follow and being a huge inspiration to you. We need to drink in all that they have to offer and make everyday count. We need to appreciate the beauty of their advice and gain experience from their travails! 


At every point in our lives, when we think a door has shut on us ... another opens with a friend, philosopher, guide, standing there to help you in! I wonder how we are so blessed to have such fabulous and phenomenal people around us who walk in to our lives at the times we need them the most. We are blessed to have such individuals who change our lives for the better and for who, we will be our pure and untainted selves! 

Worthless!

Worthless like fallen Christmas trees;
Worthless as winter's withered seeds;
Worthless in your trusting eyes;
Worthless because you thought I didn't try.


Worthless because I can never be who you want me to be;
Worthless as your expectations loom large over me;
Worthless because you'll never be happy with anything I do;
Worthless because it's always the same story and that's my rue.


Your words hang like a noose around my neck,
Choking me, strangling me and I wish I'd break!
Your demands for a perfect me, by far outdo what I really see.
"I told you so", rings in my ears constantly.


"You're not good enough", "you're doing this wrong", 
"You're lazy" ...  now, are the eternal songs.
Unsure of myself at every step ...
 I try to hold back and keep a check.


I wait for some kind words and songs of praise;
Hoping someday ... I can meet your gaze.
I hope I wont be inconsequential and trivial anymore,
My falling self esteem will be a thing of the lore! 

Epic "OH NO" Moments!!

    All of us have had an awkward moment at some point of time in our lives. It could range from pure embarrassing to graceless, floundering moments! No one is proud of them and everyone tries to avoid having one as far as possible! But as much as you try, you sometimes do fall prey to these uncomfortable moments much to the delight of those watching. Most times, you can look back and laugh at these incidents until and unless you did something really stupid like throwing away a prize winning lottery ticket in a garbage bin (true story by the way) in which case it wasn't even an awkward moment; just a blunder perhaps! I've had several such momentous experiences for which I should've just locked myself up in my room and hid under a pillow. 


   I think my biggest claim to shame was the time when I drowned in a swimming pool (Yeah!!!! Like who drowns in a pool when you're learning to swim??) and they had to rescue me. This moment just got me thinking of other random awkward moments in life. So, here are the top 60 I could think of .....



                                  You know you're having an awkward moment when: 
  


1. You ride an elevator with people you don't know .... worse still, when you are the ONLY person with another human in that elevator!
2.  You greet someone with a handshake but they go in for a hug and your hand is left in the air and instead finds their crotch! 
3.  You hold the door open for the person walking up behind you ... but you probably did not realize that the person was too far behind and you don't know if you should let the door go or just keep holding on! 
4. When you take your dog for a walk and it wants to "go" in front of a crowd of people . 
5. You unwittingly add someone to a message or an event you didn't mean to! Also, sending a text/email to someone that you were bitching about. 
6. You post something online with a very SERIOUS spelling mistake! I phone's are so popular for that! 
7. You have a foot-in-mouth situation... not literally because then that would just leave a bad taste in your mouth! 
8. You let go of some foo-foo rather loudly and everyone knows it's you! 
9. You go to someones house and they insist you see their family vacation photos .... mom and dad in swimming costumes ... TRAUMA!! 
10. Fail at a task that you're normally great at, that too after you've challenged the world that you can do it. 
11. Children will do exactly the opposite of what parents tell them to, in public.
12. You go visit the doc for annual body check-ups.
13. A stranger comes up to you and recognizes you and YOU, for the life of you, cannot remember him/her.
14. Your pants tear in public, making that ripping noise.
15. Someone points out to you that your fly is down! 
16. The teacher calls on you to answer a question in front of the class and you don't know the answer.
17. You trip in public!
18. Someone catches you listening to Rebecca Black's "Friday" on your I pod. (What is Rebecca Black doing on your I pod anyway?)
19. You are angry and screaming at the top of your lungs to make a point and the words come out all wrong! 
20. You are really the last person who didn't get that joke! 
21. Some people love to talk into your face from a one foot distance.
22. You call your teacher "mom/dad" in front of the whole classroom.
23. You try to drink out of a water spout and it spurts in your face!
24. You bump into your ex.
25. Someone points out that something is stuck in between your teeth.
26. You have those long pauses between conversations.
27. You turn your head and find someone staring at you OR you are staring at them and they catch you looking at them *Shudder*
28. You take down someones cell number but don't remember their names!
29. You are playing with a baby and don't know if if its a girl or boy and have to ask their parents. 
30. Teenage: acne, voices cracking, gawky looks ... the list is endless! 
31. You can't do simple math!
32. Someone asks you how the food they made was, and you find it difficult to lie.
33. A crow shits on you!
34. You miss a comma and it turns your sentence around for the worst! 
35. You're being sarcastic and the person believes you! 
36. You tell a joke and no one gets it!
37. You forget to pay someone and they have to remind you about it!
38. You're using someone else's poopy parlor and then it won't flush!
39. Someones taking a picture of only you in a roomful of people.
40. Someone catches your lie.
41. You receive a terrible birthday gift and you have to wear/use it in public.
42. The garbage collector is taking the trash out and you want to throw some garbage in the trash can.
43. Your friend is dating a jerk and you have to go out with them and be the third wheel.
44. You sit on a chair and it squeaks and people think you let go some gas!
45. You're talking to a person from a different culture and their names are cuss words in your language! 
46. You say "bye" and walk in the same direction.
47. You wave back at someone who it turns out was not waving at you.
48. Break wind in a public pool.
49. A booger manages to stay on the outside of your nose for everyone to view!
50. When you're in the middle of a conversation with someone and you zone out and then that person checks to see if you were listening. 
51. You fall asleep and start to droll in public view.
52. Your dress gets stuck in your behind when you get up from a seat.
53. Can't pronounce/spell everyday, regular words.
54. You try to talk after you've had an ice cream and your tongue can't pronounce correctly.
55. You are in a public restroom and your act of peeing is loud!
56. You tap some unknown person's shoulder, thinking it was someone you knew.
57. You call out to a fellow shopper for help thinking it was the salesperson.
58. You congratulate a woman on being pregnant and it turns out she's not! 
59. You ask your friend if the person they are with is their dad and they reply .... "that is my husband"! 
60. You figure out how most of these things have actually happened to you!  

That's where I want to be!

The soft sun on my face I feel, with mercurial drops from the rain that heal;

The breeze runs amok through my hair and into nothingness I crave to stare;

That's where I want to be, that's where I want to be!

Floating freely on a cloud, far away from the maddening crowd;

Watching the sun melt into the sea and lazily engage in my thoughts so free;

That's where I want to be, that's where I want to be!

Drift away like a frisky bubble, in my mind no more trouble;

Drown into the abyss of calm, grab hold of some time in my palm;

That's where I want to be, that's where I want to be!

Snuggled in your warm embrace, our eyes locked in a loving gaze;

Where we read each other's minds, our memories on constant rewind;

That's where I want to be, that's where I want to be!

But I'm jolted back to reality; factuality is a painful misery;

There's never an escape route well planned, to take me to my wonderland;

I wish I were in another place, where happiness I wouldn't have to chase;

I can only dream about a life so good ... I'd really try to if I could;

For now, here's where I'll be, forlorn, here's where I'll be!

Desolate Desires

Alone and lonely
Time flies by but I feel every secluded minute


Loud silences and long-drawn pauses
The essence of existence


Every breath feels laborious ... so quiet and indignant
I hold my breath to feel some exigency 


I watch the world go about their lives
so rushed, so impatient and aloof


I wonder if they see me by my window
a tear at a time...I feel its warmth on my skin


I yearn a touch, a voice to banter
Savored moments of joyous fun 


I turn on the TV and let the voices drown my thoughts
Happy faces dot every screen


Soon you'll be here ... my hopes will take wings encore

But they'll be shattered not long before you're gone again.